And Gollum was an angry child river-person-thing. He typically responded to his friends’ taunts with his catchphrase warning “you won’t like me when I’m angry!” Historians believe that Gollum’s perpetual failure to transform into the Incredible Hulk only stoked his humiliation, but his Catwoman costume can’t have helped.
For whom the bell… rings
But it was the incident with the Ring that saw the bullying reach fever pitch and paved Gollum’s path from then on. Moviegoers who saw Peter Jackson’s heavily biased The Return of the King will recall the introductory scene where Gollum strangled his friend Déagol in order to claim the Ring for himself, saying “it’s mine! Give it to me!” What Gollum actually said was “it’s fine, I give it to thee.” That Déagol continued to allow himself to be strangled after receiving the Ring from Gollum is regrettable, but it was his decision and he did know the risks.
By bravely shouldering the burden of the evil Ring, Gollum prevented his kinsfolk from suffering its mental and physical abuses. In effect, he saved them from having to commit the insidious campaign of thievery and brutal murder he would undertake by doing it himself. To them. Gollum then, was something of a Middle Earth Jack Bauer.
“CTU... I have a visual on the Precious. Over”
Instead of thanking him, however, they escalated their bullying. Cynically anointing him Gollum the Baptist, the River People both painfully recalled his fear of water and ridiculed him for being a fat black man who liked to sing on Sundays. Had the Ring’s corrupting influence not already caused him to become a hideously skinny wretch, we like to think this vicious slander would have given him anorexia, and from there, who knows? A record deal, two movies, premature bibliography and signature perfume. One can only guess.
Ring of fire
Gollum is frequently reviled for his alleged interference with Frodo’s mission to destroy the Ring, and yet his deeds deserve another look. After all, it was Gollum who showed Frodo the way to Mordor, when the ominous orange glow on the horizon, fetid smell of rot, and ‘Mordor This Way’ signs couldn’t. That Gollum tracked the Fellowship and pursued Frodo so enthusiastically is thought to be the earliest recognition of Frodo as the Messiah. And while Sam might not have eaten the food that Gollum disposed of in order to frame him, at least Gollum didn’t eat it. And look at him – he’s starving!
Dead ringer
Gollum is nowadays remembered as the Baptist for his anointment of Frodo in the Dead Marshes. Frodologist baptisms are today largely unchanged: stagnant water, a careful shove for the hesitant, and a heaping dose of holiness! If that doesn’t sound like much fun, don’t worry, initiates have no idea they’re about to baptized right up to the moment they’re tearing the riverweeds away from their throats. We’re second only to the Mormons for unwitting baptisms!
In any case, it’s clear that Gollum’s solitary, abject ascetic lifestyle in the caves below the