Sexting – the sexiest moral panic yet?

It's been a sexy romp this week, and I'm sure I speak for all of us when I say we're probably feeling a little worn out. But if you can hold on just a little bit longer, this marathon session is just one post away from its climatic conclusion. This one's by your very own FrodoSaves of, well, here.

American parents have found a new reason to worry about their children as the latest moral panic sweeps the nation. With the dissemination of mobile phones to youngsters of all ages – well, not all ages, because then they wouldn’t necessarily be young, but that hardly heeded pointing out – and the decreasing cost of multimedia messaging, teens have been titillating each other with naked photos of themselves.

The craze is known as ‘sexting’. While the origins of the word are unclear, experts believe it to be a portmanteau of ‘sex’, a popular activity for adults, and ‘ting’, a common name for Chinese people. The obscure etymology of the word is a key reason why parents and educators were so slow to catch on. “We’re completely out of touch,” commented one.

The naked photos are certainly a concern for all parties involved. District prosecutors have in some areas taken matters into their own hands by charging youngsters with possessing and disseminating child pornography, which is funny because ‘dissemination’ comes from the word ‘semen’ (I’m serious this time), and not funny because now these kids have criminal records. While parents tend to be extremely critical of the prosecutions, it is thought that at least some of the children will be grateful for the opportunity to go to prison, where they will be able to act out more of their perverted fantasies.

Yet while school officials discuss with police better methods for discouraging sexting, there is a danger that Americans aren’t asking the most important questions. For example, ‘which pose is the sexiest?’ ‘How fat is too fat?’ And ‘should they use props?’

While professional pornographers are skilled at including a wide range of believable props, from a well placed pillow to guns and car parts, it’s likely that without proper education, these children will be using objects that stretch the imagination a little too far. “I confiscated one of my student’s phones last week,” remembers high school teacher Jim Matthews, “and imagine my shock when it contained a naked picture of the kid’s girlfriend posing with a textbook. A textbook! It ruined the photo for me. And it definitely wasn’t worth the half hour it took to find it on his phone.”

The sexting craze has not left the Mormon Church unscathed either, and a group of concerned parents have voiced their worries that it’s only going to get worse. “We need to stop this filthy trend now,” warned representative Barbara Shepherd to the assembled community. “We should consider ourselves lucky that this so called ‘sexting’ has so far only been happening between married couples.”

As the sexting phenomenon shows no sign of abating, one thing remains abundantly clear: prudishness and unemployment make for a deadly parenting cocktail.