Frodo on Fags

One thing that sets Frodology apart from other religions is that we don’t get stuck down in the details. You could say it’s more about the spirit of The Faith than about the absolute letter of Frodo’s Law, rigid and unbending though it may be. Praise Him. And for that reason it’s always been a little puzzling to us Frodologists that many of the more fervent adherents of Christianity and Islam have it in for fags.

You need not look far before you can find their banners: “God hates fags” and “Fags are evil”. On one level I can understand it. They’re disgusting and corrupting, and make everyone around feel dirty. They’re also unnatural: a product of society’s ills and civilization’s many evils. But on another, macro level, I can’t help but think that they’re relatively innocuous. After all, it’s a lifestyle choice and in the spirit of self-determination who are we to tell people how to live their lives?

The power-hungry elite at the top of a towering religious hierarchy, that’s who. But Frodo wasn’t big on micromanagement, so neither are we. Plus there are other reasons why Frodology doesn’t mind a few fags. Some early Frodologists, in an effort to assuage personal insecurities, moved to outlaw fags outright. It was evident that fags just made them uncomfortable; they were clearly worried that if fags were tolerated, they’d start doing it too.

So these Frodologists started bending Frodo’s words to fit their own agenda. Frodo’s idle conversation, in which he offhandedly declined the offer of a fag, was taken out of context to infer that he sanctioned the ban. If we used that as a precedent, we’d be banning cheese, shoes, and religion next. It’s clearly untenable.

Also, many Frodologists feel that the opposition to fags is wholly out of proportion to whatever minor transgression they may represent. Surely for something that is ultimately a private matter which impinges little on those not partaking, they don’t deserve such attention and such unrelenting hatred. And if you absolutely disdain fags to the very depths of your soul, they can’t be that hard to avoid.

Finally, one last obvious reason why Frodology isn’t up in arms against fags is that Frodo, like Jesus, was well known to indulge in a fag every now and then. And who can blame them, living such stressful, arduous lives (though Frodo’s was indubitably more stressful and arduous). It would be entirely inconsistent with the times if either Frodo or Jesus didn’t partake in fags, sucking on them long and hard, as they were wont to do.

And anyway, it’s not exactly like they’re taking over the world. For all these reasons we just can’t understand why religious leaders get so agitated over a few lousy cigarettes.

Check back soon for the next installment: Frodo vs. Homosexuals – Are They Taking Over the World?