Sunday, October 19, 2008

Sun angry God credited for beautiful sunsets

The sun spoke out today for the first time about the increasing number of its beautiful sunsets which are being attributed to God. The outburst occurred today at a Mormon wedding reception in Oahu, Hawaii. Witnesses agree that it occurred shortly after the mother of the bride exclaimed that the sheer beauty of the sky's celestial palette reassured her of God's magnanimous beneficence and reinforced her devotion to Him. Actually, it was more like "gee, that sunset sure is super. It really makes me feel closer to the Lord Jesus Christ. Like I feel like I really know him when I see that."

Confused onlookers admitted to being surprised to hear the voice coming from above. Not knowing any better, they attributed it to God, only angering the sun more.

The sun was pissed

Later on the sun calmed down and tried to explain the nature of its grievances. It became clear that he does not understand why the credit for all his hard work is continually given to God. Frustrated at the lack of appreciation, the sun finally decided to speak out. "Who is this 'God' anyway? I've never even met the guy, but I'm up there all the time in the sky working my ass off. People show their friends their holiday snaps, and it's 'God' again. I'm right there in the freakin' picture!"

The sun alleges that is him there in the freakin' picture, not God

With the sun setting somewhere on Earth during every second of the day, the frequency of mistaken praise received by God must be enormous, and the sun's chagrin should perhaps not come as a surprise. The sun wanted to make it clear that he is not angry at God per se, but he certainly feels He could be doing more to set the record straight. "At least humans have dropped the whole Apollo thing. I'm not a deity, I'm just a flaming ball of gas."

The sun believes that taking all the credit when something goes right smacks of double standards when everything’s just sort of ho hum the rest of the time.

Three notes in harmony

The sun’s angry outcry against the Almighty follows on the footsteps of other disenfranchised groups such as the Coalition of Independent Ova and Snowflakes for an Atheist Tomorrow. A representative for CIO explained that many ova worldwide feel that they deserve more attention for the role they play in creating foetuses. “Conception? Yep, that’s us. Babies’ smiles? Us again. Haven’t a clue why people think God has anything to do with it. Never even met the guy.”

Frodo however spoke out on behalf of God. "Yeah, he could be doing more, and I'll grant you he's not perfect. But he is pretty old, and in spite of that he's doing a reasonable job. Plus you can't really blame him for pulling out of Michigan. It was a lost cause." At this point the interviewer asked Frodo what the hell he was talking about. "Oh, I thought you were talking about Senator McCain." When prompted about God, Frodo admitted "actually, I've never even met the guy."

God was not available for comment.

1 comment:

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