Sunday, December 7, 2008

Frodo’s Story, Part II: Miracles 101

In case you missed it, here is Frodo’s Story, Part I

We last left off in Frodo’s story at his return from Mordor and elevation to demigod in the eyes of Middle Earth. Not all was roses, however, as we saw that from the early days of his omnipotence he was competing with his close friend Samwise for the adulation of worshipers, and struggled under the expectations of his followers. We now continue with Frodo’s story.

Almost as soon as Frodo became an object of divinity, he was under constant pressure to keep safe and take no risks. “I liked playing with swords,” remembers Frodo. “But they soon put a stop to that. At first they let me use a wooden one, then a flimsy reed, and finally I just had to make believe. People say leaders have great vision and imagination, but I’ve always thought followers were better at pretending.”

From the beginning, Frodo was pressured into performing miracles. Lepers and the crippled frequently lined up at his door, interspersed with the infertile and the inadvertently pregnant. “It was terrible,” remembers Frodo. “When one of the lepers’ legs fell off, a cripple accused him of taunting the legless and having ‘limbs to spare’. Then the sterile women became jealous of the pregnant, and vice versa. It was a bloodbath.” Indeed it was; one hemophiliacs would sooner forget.

Frodo wasn’t even aware he had performed his second miracle until the news filtered back to him. “’Frodo cures blind man!’ I remember them shouting, and I had no idea what they were talking about. Only later did I remember giving a passing beggar a carrot from my vegetable patch. They said I’d cured his blindness.” Frodo doubted the man had actually been blind, but even if he had been, Frodo still downplays his role in the alleged miracle. “Vitamin A. I’m pretty sure that’s what it is. Carrots are full of it, and it's good for vision. Vitamin A, beta carotene, call it what you like, but other than the actual act of handing him the carrot, I can’t say I cured his blindness.”

Frodo would have one more brush with miracles before it all came apart. “Gandalf wanted to stage a resurrection at one point, but I hadn’t finished reading that chapter in the textbook, so he just killed someone and said I’d come back to life!” But when Frodo tried to leak the scandal to the news, no one would believe it. Conservative pundits called it an “incredible conspiracy theory” and a “dishonest attempt to discredit a genuine miracle.”

Facing a world growing ever more entrenched in their belief in him, Frodo found himself spiraling downwards into a seedy world of drugs, sex, and traditional panpipe ballads. “I was definitely living the cliché,” he remembers. “It was like the point in those movies where you see the protagonist stick a needle in their arm for the first time, and you think ‘ah, so that’s how they got AIDS’. There was no needle, but the descent into ruin was all a little predictable.”

At first his drug use was recreational, mostly Southfarthing weed, and it improved his panpipe playing if anything. “But one day, one of the North Downs hobbits brought round his lute and a wahwah pedal, and told us we needed to take some pills to really ‘get it’. It was like a journey, man, so intense. I definitely ‘got it’. I got other things too though. An addiction, and diseases mostly.”

Frodo would of course climb the long ladder of privilege out of his despondent drug dependency, and other things equally terrible all beginning with ‘d’. But that story will have to wait for next time.



The stuff dreams are made of?

8 comments:

noodleguy said...

Poor Frodo! Why is it that messiahs of the Faith(s) must always have such a hard time? Sigh, their sacrifice (and drug use) sets an example for all of us.

noodleguy said...

I changed my facebook Religion to "Frodologist" now! Before it was "Godless Heathen/Infidel." Luckily I have found the One true Path to Enlightenment...to walk in his Hairy Footsteps.

I'm also considering making a Frodologist Facebook group. Anyone else on facebook here?

"One night a man had a dream.
He dreamed he was walking along the beach with FRODO.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand:
one belonging to him, and the other to FRODO.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him
he looked back, at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of his life
there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened whenever he was in MORDOR, where the shadows lie.

This really bothered him and he questioned the FRODO about it:
"FRODO, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you'd walk with me all the way to Mordor.
But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, while I traveled through MORDOR where the Shadows lie,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."

Then FRODO replied:
"My son, My precious child, I love you and I would never leave you,
During your times of travel through the depths of MORDOR,
when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.""

Vitamin R said...

“When one of the lepers’ legs fell off, a cripple accused him of taunting the legless and having ‘limbs to spare’. Then the sterile women became jealous of the pregnant, and vice versa. It was a bloodbath.” Indeed it was; one hemophiliacs would sooner forget.

Dude--you need to post more, now.

All the terrible things begin with "D". Except for panpiping.

“Vitamin A. I’m pretty sure that’s what it is. Carrots are full of it, and it's good for vision. Vitamin A, beta carotene, call it what you like, but other than the actual act of handing him the carrot, I can’t say I cured his blindness.”

His modesty is as infinite as his mercy.

And more about Samwise!

Dani' El said...

Now that's funny Frodo.

Glad to see you took the verbosity down a notch. It's much funnier.
I am laughing..............now.

Now I have stopped.

Have you ever seen the Jewish translation of the Messianic prophecy of Isaiah 53?

Isa 53:3 He was despised, and forsaken of men, a man of pains, and acquainted with disease, and as one from whom men hide their face: he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
Isa 53:4 Surely our diseases he did bear, and our pains he carried; whereas we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.

Isa 53:10 Yet it pleased the LORD to crush him by disease; to see if his soul would offer itself in restitution, that he might see his seed, prolong his days, and that the purpose of the LORD might prosper by his hand:

There are some oral traditions in the Talmud that the messiah would be a leper from these verses.

Matthew said it was fulfilled in Yeshua's healing ministry.

Mat 8:16 When the even was come, they brought unto him many that were possessed with devils: and he cast out the spirits with his word, and healed all that were sick:
Mat 8:17 That it might be fulfilled which was spoken by Esaias the prophet, saying, Himself took our infirmities, and bare our sicknesses.

--------------
And did you know the word translated as "sorceries" in the book of Revelation is actually referring to drugs?

Rev 9:21 Neither repented they of their murders, nor of their sorceries, nor of their fornication, nor of their thefts.

The word translated as sorceries in the original greek is-
φαρμακεία
pharmakeia
far-mak-i'-ah
From G5332; medication (or drugs-D)(“pharmacy”), that is, (by extension) magic (literal or figurative): - sorcery, witchcraft.

FrodoSaves said...

Dani'El,

Glad to see you took the verbosity down a notch. It's much funnier.

Ok maybe my intention didn't come across so well, but I was shooting for a parody of those grave newscasters who take themselves and their jobs far too seriously. Everything is dramatic pauses and damning condemnations. Anyway, thanks for the tip. Point taken.

Thanks for the scriptural references. I have something planned in the next few days which I think will be right up your alley...

-------------------

Vittles,

His modesty is as infinite as his mercy.

Frodo will find it in His heart to forgive the occasional lack of pronoun capitalization.

If it's Samwise you want, it's Samwise you'll get. As soon as Frodo forgives him for his heresy. But that's a story for another time. Heh...

----------------------

Noodles,

That is truly a touching story, worthy of publication itself. I also like how FRODO refers to His children as his "precious"...

I did actually make a Frodology Facebook group at one point, but I think I disbanded it for lack of interest. Perhaps something to start again once there's more of a critical mass?

Vitamin R said...

I think you're always exactly the right amount of verbose. Anyone who accuses you of over-verbosity, then goes on to have a comment that's at least twenty lines long--about scripture, no less? Is someone to be taken with a grain of salt, if he's to be taken at all.

And it's certainly good of Frodo to forgive me for the pronoun thing. He knows it's the fault of the American education system. And my parents.

Dani' El said...

Frodo quoth thus-Ok maybe my intention didn't come across so well, but I was shooting for a parody of those grave newscasters who take themselves and their jobs far too seriously. Everything is dramatic pauses and damning condemnations.

Oh my Bama!
Is that what you were doing?
Whoosh!
Then I take it back.
It's poifect! :-)

Don't be too pleased tho'
You're still heapin wrath on yourself.

Dani' El said...

Some more scripture for VitaR

Yet another Messianic prophecy that speaks of disease-

Psa 41:3 The LORD will strengthen him on his bed of illness; You will sustain him on his sickbed...
Psa 41:5 My enemies speak evil of me: "When will he die, and his name perish?"....
Psa 41:7 All who hate me whisper together against me; Against me they devise my hurt.
Psa 41:8 "An evil disease," they say, "clings to him. And now that he lies down, he will rise up no more."
Psa 41:9 Even my own familiar friend in whom I trusted, Who ate my bread, Has lifted up his heel against me.

Does it burn VitaR?
No?
Have some more-

Psa 38:5 My wounds stink and are corrupt because of my foolishness...
Psa 38:7 For my loins are filled with a loathsome disease: and there is no soundness in my flesh...
Psa 38:11 My lovers and my friends stand aloof from my sore; and my kinsmen stand afar off.

That should do it.

Shalom! ;-)