Sunday, November 23, 2008

Atheist gets trapped inside own thought bubble

An emergency call was placed today by the distressed wife of a prominent atheist. The woman described her husband as “stuck in a bubble”, but it was only on the fourth call back that the emergency operator realized she was not speaking metaphorically. Indeed, when an ambulance arrived, the man was found literally stuck inside a cartoony thought bubble.

“My husband thinks a lot,” Mrs. Jennings told reporters. “But before this happened, I wouldn’t have said he thought too much.” Precisely how it happened is still being investigated, but it would seem that Mr. Jennings became stuck sometime before midnight. An avid blog reader, Mr. Jennings spends several hours of his day trolling religious blogs and responding to their posts with implacable stamina. As such, Mr. Jennings is no stranger to inane arguments and baseless leaps of faith.

It would seem however that one particular post totally floored poor Mr. Jennings, such that he was at a complete loss for words. “The thought bubble must have opened shortly after reading the first idiotic sentence,” mused investigating sergeant, Bill Harris. “When he couldn’t find words to fill it, the vacuum in the bubble probably just sucked him right in.”

Fig. 1, Cartoon thought bubbles are rarely a cause for laughter

Mr. Jennings was luckily rescued from the bubble by a simple popping motion. “I grabbed a fork, and just sort of went like this,” recalls paramedic Dave Bailey, as he demonstrated the simple popping motion. “Not too hard, but not too soft either. Like you’re jabbing a potato.” Though he didn’t asphyxiate, paramedics had to resort to CPR, and Mr. Jennings will be spending the night in hospital to ensure his full recovery. He heaped praise upon the paramedics and their ingenious simple popping motion.

Sgt. Harris has issued advice to those worried about a similar fate. “Any one who thinks too much is obviously at risk of being trapped in thought bubbles, but to be frank, anyone who thinks at all is actually at risk,” cautioned the sergeant. The local police station will be issuing an easily understood scale demonstrating who is most at risk.

Fig. 2, Frodologists have little to fear... as long as they behave

Practical advice accompanies the scale, suggesting that casual thinkers such as Catholics and Frodologists are the least at risk from their own thought bubbles. The police station will also be handing out pamphlets demonstrating the simple popping motion.

Fig. 3, The simple popping motion

Mrs. Jennings is considering buying her husband a Nintendo Wii to diminish the likelihood of it happening again. As the company chiefly responsible for obstructing the creative thoughts of an entire generation, Nintendo is reportedly “thrilled” that Mrs. Jennings thought of them first.


piggymceatsalot said...

Bibles come cheaper than Wiis, Mrs Jennings!

Vitamin R said...

Soon, thinkers are gonna have to walk around with their own forks, just in case there's no one around--or no one willing to pop their bubbles. Sadly, what the pink triangle did for homosexuals in Nazi Germany, carrying around forks without accompanying food, will do for thinkers, alerting the non-thinkers to the deviant in their midst : /