Monday, January 12, 2009

Enroll for your MSc in Anfrodology today!

It is my pleasure to introduce you to one of the most exciting new disciplines in academia today. The study of anfrodology examines the origins of hobbits, and studies the journey of these scrappy little creatures through life. The subject asks whether development is progressive, and whether hobbits are the pinnacle of creation, before quickly answering both questions in the affirmative.

In some ways anfrodology is a 'new' subject. For example, no one had heard of it before it was created out of thin air a few hours ago. But at the same time, it's also a very 'old' subject, in the sense that we can make up history too.

Few universities offer the degree, and even fewer employers recognize it, so you'll be entering an exclusive club by enrolling. But hold on! Don't take my word for it. Browse the curriculum and multitude of benefits to studying for a master's degree in anfrodology, then take my word for it.

Curriculum

Fun fact! The word 'curriculum' comes from the Latin curriculum, which means 'cucumber' in English.

1. In the first semester, students will take a philosophy of science module which encourages them to challenge their preconceptions. The class, 'Everything you learned about evolution in high school was wrong (and you're a bad person too)', prepares students for the rigors of participating in scarcely credible seminars and stretching their trust in their teachers to near Christian proportions.

2. Concurrently, students enrolling for Autumn 2009 will be the final class to take the module 'The Origins of Woman', in which they will discover the shocking truth that she is the result of a chance mutation from a turnip. Since she has plateaued developmentally ever since, a concept science calls 'stagnation', woman will not feature at all in future syllabi. Syllabye bye!

3. Students will then take the highly popular module, 'Turnips - Our Intellectual Inferiors?' During the course of study they will learn exciting Truths such as the progressive nature of development, aided by an archaic looking 19th Century Pyramid of Life learning companion.



Fun Fact! If it can't be depicted triangularly, it can't be true.

4. In the second year (surprise, there's a second year!) students will be foremost concerned with a module called 'Pure Blind Chance - Secondary Deity and Motor of Change'. Considered a highlight of the course, students learn how development is entirely the result of randomness and luck. Learning to properly worship Chance as a servant of Frodo absorbs much of students' time, but through doing so they learn how it is responsible for all of life's creations, and discover why no transitional fossils such as Australopithecus or Homo habilis exist.

5. Learning in the second year is augmented by seminars on 'Theories are the Worst Kind of Science'. Students are taught how the rules described by any theory could easily change at any time, as soon as next week, because by definition theories are unproven. The seminars involve a thought experiment, which encourages students to imagine a system whereby creatures slowly develop across millennia through a passive selective mechanism, resulting in the continued propagation of certain species due to the suitability for life of observable random mutations. Through suspending their disbelief via this absurd example, students learn how the natural laws governing the universe could easily be different.

Fun fact! Increasing paragraph length is a sign of poor planning.

6. In the second semester, students learn how natural mechanisms should dictate their ethical creed in the module 'Morality - Slaying the Fickle Beast'. Students must complete an end of year project, which consisted last year of helping the Malayan lesser crested warbler into early endangerment to make more room for the Malayan greater crested warbler.

7. The final module, a case study on irreducible complexity, teaches students how to apply what they have learned in the real world. In previous years, students have had to write theses on the irreducible complexity of each stage in the evolution of the eye: from a single photosensitive cell, through a collection of such cells, to the development of 'pinhole camera' eyes, protective lenses, and ending with the multicellular complex ocular organs of hobbits. That's a lot of irreducible complexity!

But wait, there's more!

Anfrodology degrees feature additional benefits that other subjects don't share. For example, anfrodology students get the opportunity to travel to the Gondor-Mordor border for excavation work. Due to recent political developments, there is currently an abundance of fresh proto-fossils, a biological compound not unlike a corpse.

Also, scripture reading is heavily encouraged. We consider it a type of 'distance learning', because it challenges students to see how far away they can get from observable reality before they stop making sense.

What you'll get from studying with us
  • Reinforcement of your opinions and an offended sense of self-righteousness whenever anyone contradicts you
  • Next to no life experience outside the subject itself
  • Herpes, thanks to the campus-wide ban on condoms

45 comments:

yunshui said...

Do I get a Michael Bisconti-style series of meaningless letters after my name? If so, please sign me up for next semester! Diploma mills can be fun!

FrodoSaves said...

Oh absolutely! And depending on the number of years during which you keep paying us, we'll add prefixes too.

You could become Dr. Dr. Dr. Yunhsui, Th.D, Ph.D, MSc, QED

PS - thanks for sharing. That site looks like a place of serious learning.

Vitamin R said...

2. Concurrently, students enrolling for Autumn 2009 will be the final class to take the module 'The Origins of Woman', in which they will discover the shocking truth that she is the result of a chance mutation from a turnip. Since she has plateaued developmentally ever since, a concept science calls 'stagnation', woman will not feature at all in future syllabi. Syllabye bye!

ROTFLMAO!

Plus, Messiah Incorrectus? B Coprophagus? Baitus Vivus? Oh, this turnip has learned more about zoology/biology from your pyramid than I learned in all my few years of schooling.

Fun fact! Increasing paragraph length is a sign of poor planning.

I actually think it's a sign of good pacing. You're more than a writer: you're a wordsmith.

Due to recent political developments, there is currently an abundance of fresh proto-fossils, a biological compound not unlike a corpse.

Um--

Herpes, thanks to the campus-wide ban on condoms.

Mouth herpes, or genital herpes?

FrodoSaves said...

Plus, Messiah Incorrectus? B Coprophagus? Baitus Vivus? Oh, this turnip has learned more about zoology/biology from your pyramid than I learned in all my few years of schooling.

You should have seen how long I was staring at the computer screen trying to come up with witty names!

I actually think it's a sign of good pacing. You're more than a writer: you're a wordsmith.

Too kind sir. I do hope you'll like the epic poem I have coming up later today.

Mouth herpes, or genital herpes?

That depends which page of the Kama Frodo you practice from.

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