Apparently, the good doctor believes that Frodologists are mistaken as to "how college degrees are accredited."1 On the contrary, it is him who has failed to add a further four "Dr." prefixes to his name. Since a doctorate is indubitably an indication of professional worth, intelligence, and time well spent, the public deserves not to be misled as to the presence of a veritable hero in their midst. In addition, we can only be thankful that Ol' Doc Bisconti, as he likes to be called, has provided us with the opportunity for our second ever footnote. Place of learning, indeed!
Though Frodology has only been rated as a "Baby Scumbag", we are unsure as to how this rank was achieved, as no grading rubric was supplied. We can only think this was an oversight on the part of Doctor Biccie, as certainly a man - nay, a legend! - of such elevated learning would never knowingly allow such an unscholarly mistake to stand uncorrected.
Furthermore, as the only other site listed as a scumbag is the wildly popular heathen website Pharyngula - a Medium Scumbag no less - we are thoroughly perplexed. Since Frodology apparently shares so much in common with Mr. Biscuit, I fail to see why we are listed as scumbags at all. Indeed, here are but a few brief examples of our common ground:
Since we share so much in common, we would like to take the initiative as a gesture of good will and supply the L.F. Nexus with a scumbag grading scale which they may feel free to use at their convenience. Into the public domain, I release thee!
|The Good Doctor's Sacred Scale of Supreme Scumbaginess|
|Baby Scumbag||The site in question has failed to give due regard to the Truths of the Lord Jesus Christ. The site may have made minor mistakes regarding accreditation of degrees, or may have made jokes that have subsequently been misinterpreted by one in ninety-eight people leading that person to think it has made such minor mistakes.|
|Small Scumbag||The website may have inadvertently blasphemed against the Lord Jesus Chris. Shit, Christ. With a 't'. The site may have failed to respond to allegations of Baby Scumbaginess, or conversely may have taken ironic pride in them (here's hoping).|
|Medium Scumbag||The site alleges to be devoted to science, and purports to be written by a respected professor at the University of Minnesota. It has the nerve to keep supplying evidence to support its wild claims.|
|Big Scumbag||The site continues to ignore the Will of the LJC. It may also feature more attractive formating than the L.F. Nexus, and a photo of its webmaster that doesn't look like Harrison Ford with wine-stained lips.|
|Monster Scumbag||The site could only be the personal stomping ground of one Professor Richard Dawkins, or perhaps the Devil, which amounts to the same thing.|
In addition, dear reader, due the popular theological principle of inherited sin, you are sadly all scumbags too. My deepest apologies, but my hands are tied by Dr. Almond Biscotti, and there's nothing I can do about it.
Except dunk him in a latte.
1. Scumbag Websites!, Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Michael J. Bisconti Th.D., D.Sc., Ph.D., Ph.M.D., S.J.D, http://lfnexus.com/scumbagwebsites.htm, 15 January 2009