Thursday, January 15, 2009

Scumbag website?

It has come to our attention that Frodology has been listed as a "scumbag website" by Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Michael J. Bisconti Th.D., D.Sc., Ph.D., Ph.M.D., S.J.D, at his website, the L.F. Nexus.

Apparently, the good doctor believes that Frodologists are mistaken as to "how college degrees are accredited."1 On the contrary, it is him who has failed to add a further four "Dr." prefixes to his name. Since a doctorate is indubitably an indication of professional worth, intelligence, and time well spent, the public deserves not to be misled as to the presence of a veritable hero in their midst. In addition, we can only be thankful that Ol' Doc Bisconti, as he likes to be called, has provided us with the opportunity for our second ever footnote. Place of learning, indeed!

Though Frodology has only been rated as a "Baby Scumbag", we are unsure as to how this rank was achieved, as no grading rubric was supplied. We can only think this was an oversight on the part of Doctor Biccie, as certainly a man - nay, a legend! - of such elevated learning would never knowingly allow such an unscholarly mistake to stand uncorrected.

Furthermore, as the only other site listed as a scumbag is the wildly popular heathen website Pharyngula - a Medium Scumbag no less - we are thoroughly perplexed. Since Frodology apparently shares so much in common with Mr. Biscuit, I fail to see why we are listed as scumbags at all. Indeed, here are but a few brief examples of our common ground:

  • We both believe in an afterlife (although he sadly does not believe in a beforelife)
  • We are both fervent practitioners of misogyny
  • We agree that homosexuality is treatable
  • We both oppose evolution because it's just a silly theory, which means it's almost certainly wrong

Since we share so much in common, we would like to take the initiative as a gesture of good will and supply the L.F. Nexus with a scumbag grading scale which they may feel free to use at their convenience. Into the public domain, I release thee!

The Good Doctor's Sacred Scale of Supreme Scumbaginess
Baby ScumbagThe site in question has failed to give due regard to the Truths of the Lord Jesus Christ. The site may have made minor mistakes regarding accreditation of degrees, or may have made jokes that have subsequently been misinterpreted by one in ninety-eight people leading that person to think it has made such minor mistakes.
Small ScumbagThe website may have inadvertently blasphemed against the Lord Jesus Chris. Shit, Christ. With a 't'. The site may have failed to respond to allegations of Baby Scumbaginess, or conversely may have taken ironic pride in them (here's hoping).
Medium ScumbagThe site alleges to be devoted to science, and purports to be written by a respected professor at the University of Minnesota. It has the nerve to keep supplying evidence to support its wild claims.
Big ScumbagThe site continues to ignore the Will of the LJC. It may also feature more attractive formating than the L.F. Nexus, and a photo of its webmaster that doesn't look like Harrison Ford with wine-stained lips.
Monster ScumbagThe site could only be the personal stomping ground of one Professor Richard Dawkins, or perhaps the Devil, which amounts to the same thing.

In addition, dear reader, due the popular theological principle of inherited sin, you are sadly all scumbags too. My deepest apologies, but my hands are tied by Dr. Almond Biscotti, and there's nothing I can do about it.

Except dunk him in a latte.

1. Scumbag Websites!, Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Michael J. Bisconti Th.D., D.Sc., Ph.D., Ph.M.D., S.J.D,, 15 January 2009


yunshui said...

Wow - you'd think being busy compiling "One Million Pages of Scientific Data That Refute The Silly Ideas of “Evolution,” “Gay Sanity,” “Freedom Without Limits,” and a Thousand Other Notorious Notions", Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Bisconti (it's the Doctorate With A Stutter!)PhD, MPhil, DM, GSOH, HSBC would have better things to do than categorize the only two atheist websites in existence on the net, ever, anywhere.

I'll bet you're glad I pointed him out to you now!

yunshui said...

Actually, forget his One Million webpages - Dr.Dr.DR.Rd Bisconuntic Phd, Mphil, STD, OHP, I<3NY probably has his hands full with his 2000,000,000 page volume, God Proving Library of Unicycles - because unicycles disprove evolution...

I know it's wrong to mock the afflicted, but c'mon! mad people are funny.

FrodoSaves said...

Yes yunshui, I am positively thrilled that you made the 'introduction'. I'm still not sure why he picked on me, other than for "[demonstrating] ignorance of how college degrees are accredited."

A minor gripe, I would have thought. In any case, he tripled my daily hits yesterday, so if he's not careful, I'll start a new blog called Biscontology and worship him too... I am actually very tempted by that.

Thanks for the unicycle thing. It's actually 2000 volumes x 1,000,000 pages, meaning he and his minions are finding the time to excrete 2 billion pages worth of Jesus-loving page filler.

Let's assume it takes about 1 minute to complete a single page, by for example holding down the 'f' key. That's a quick 2 billion minutes to complete the unicyclopedia. That is a sweet 33 million man hours, give or take. Assuming his craziness would ward off anyone from working for him, he alone can be expected to complete the project in a swift 3,805 years. Provided he does absolutely nothing else in his life besides work on it.

Vitamin R said...

"Mr. Biscuit". . . .


Sounds like a male stripper. Though "Biscontology" sounds, among other things, absolutely delicious.

Almond Biscotti said...

Congratulations! You Frodologists have been labeled scumbags all over now . . .

FrodoSaves said...

Just when we get freed from the yoke of the LF Nexus, it happens all over again, albeit on a respected, real website.

Well. We can use discrimination to our advantage as well as the Jews. Just you wait!

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