Monday, March 30, 2009

March says to February: suck it!

February might have been a good month, but March is now the gleam in Frodo's eye. Our exponential growth has continued from an average 36.39 daily visitors in February to a whopping 39.74 in March.

For those of you saying "but an average increase of 3 daily visitors isn't exponential," um, yes it is. It's an exponent to the tune of 1.024501. Yeah, I calculated that shit. Math saves the day again. Take that, religion!

Even more impressive, our average increase in visitors isn't an increase of average visitors, if you'll take a minute to see what I did there. Clever, I know. How do I know my visitors are quality people? By virtue of the fact that they're here, participating in the denegration of sincerely held beliefs, the disintegration of millennial-old institutions, and their replacement with a comical mockery of the real thing. If that's not time well spent, I don't know what is.

Much of this growth (did I mention it's exponential?) is, I'm certain, attributable to the recruitment of the incomparable CodewordConduit. The entwives were more jubilant than they'd been in years with her arrival, so much so that I locked them all up in a sound proof pen so I could get some sleep. Oh... ffuuu-!

I am sad to report that the entwives have gone missing again. No one saw them leave, but something tells me we won't be seeing them in a while. In other news, we've recently come into an abundance of firewood. It's freshly hewn, and must go fast. Drop me a line.

And lastly, a selection of keyword searches which have brought unsuspsecting interwebbers to Frodology this month:

"what if frodo had died on mount doom"Ignoring the blasphemy long enough to answer the question, I daresay there would be no Frodology had that happened, as religions which posthumously worship people for their deaths rather than their good deeds are hard to come by
"why doesnt sauron go invisible when he wears the ring"Luckily this question was asked in the FAQ and answered, after a fashion
"words to uy my tacos it is asong"If it is asong, then I am agog
"frodo sam mary pippin go place"Boy, did they ever! This summer I too plan to go place
"who is sexiest aragorn legolas gimli"Gimli, with his mane of fiery hair
"how did the utahraptors become extinct"Luckily he will have learned that the Mormons did it
"i am a post op transsexual"With a slightly appalling three searches for these exact words

And people are still searching for Dr. Michael J. Bisconti. Or should I say, Dr. MJB is still searching for himself?

Lastly, I'd just like to ask for some opinions on article length. Do you think the articles are generally of a readable length, or are they too long? Too short? Too awesome? I'd appreciate some feedback.

Bring on April!


Dani' El said...

Not so fast Hobbit.

I met you due to posting on Ray Comfort's blog, and CodewordConduit came here on my invitation, so I'm afraid you need to give the glory to the living God of Israel for your exponential increase.

I'm the lone saint here, and I'm a persistent pest, drubbing the mirth, extending your comments on and on with my rantings etc.
Where would you be without me?
God did send me after all.

Thankless heathens, pssh.

Maybe I should take a little fast to see how your numbers change?
Huh? Huh?

Mirth Drubber.

Dani' El said...

Added for clarity-

I forgot Dan +++'s blog between Ray's and your own.

Another Christian you owe thanks to the "marked increase".

I'm confident that if you were to humble yourself and give a simple nod to God, you'd have a miraculous 5 new readers.
5!! imagine it!

I'm sure you'd sign a contract in blood with Cheney for 5 new readers, so why not try it?

FrodoSaves said...

Mirth Drubber,

You're right. You've been my most persistent and outspoken fan/critic for a long time. So an honest and sincere thank you.

I've long since given up posting on Ray's blog. As Whateverman said, it only fuels his campaign of ignorance. Dan on the other hand is marginally entertaining but for his stupefying infatuation with presuppositionalism. At least he doesn't moderate his comments. Still I don't think he's ever been a-visiting. You have a much better sense of humor than he does ;)

Actually the irony is that I'm not as bothered with my numbers as I used to be, hence the joke about so-called exponential growth. I am interested in my readership insofar as it's a reflection of the quality of my output. If five new readers came because they enjoyed what they were reading, I'd be thrilled. If five came at the behest of the Big Dick, I doubt they'd be fans! I am also interested in my readership because so far they've proven themselves to be interesting people with thoughtful ideas, great conversation, and a heaping dose of wit. And that makes this whole exercise worth doing.

Cheers Dani/Mirthful Drubber of Hobbits,


Dani' El said...

You read me wrong.

Thank the One who sent me.

Besides, you know I would not waste His time if I didn't feel that it was worth it.

Dani' El

(Besides, I know she's got you bewitched, pal. Understandable.) ;)

Dani' El said...

Oh and Dan said he has read a bit, but that most of it was out of his league, wit wise.

And agreed. Ray's blog has become a joke. He should stick to preaching. The Battling Atheists gig is not his IMO.

FrodoSaves said...

Thank the One who sent me.

After couching it as a hypothetical, I fear the gratitude might lose its effect ;)

(Besides, I know she's got you bewitched, pal. Understandable.) ;)

I'm going to take a silent stab at guessing your meaning, then protest that you give me too little credit.

Dani' El said...

Frodo, just ribbing you pal. ;)

FrodoSaves said...

Frodo, just ribbing you pal. ;)

I know :D

piggymceatsalot said...

More awesome.

MOOOORE AWESOOOOME (for the post op trans sexuals)

yunshui said...

Actually, less of the awesomeness, please. You're making the rest of us look bad.

Stan, the Half-Truth Teller said...

I, too, think that CwC deserves some credit, but a vanishingly small amount. Really, the only things going for her are that she is young and hot. These are hardly enough to overcome the anathema which is her gender.

Frankly, I'm disappointed that a member of that filthy gender might be allowed to directly post in such a hallowed space... unless she's a dwarf. Dwarvish women-folk are borderline acceptable, being indistinguishable from dwarvish men-folk.

That's right, Disney, dwarvish. Not "dwarfish," you jackass.

While I'm noting the similarities in gender amongst middle-earthling species, I should also point out that allowing a male elf is equally detestable to allowing a human female -- elvish males are indistinguishable from elvish females, as we all know, and that's just sick and wrong.

I suspect, then, that the flock of new visitors is really an exodus of sorts -- away from the vile female-centric "Reflections of the Damned [Woman]" -- toward the holy enshrinement of all things misogynist.

Did I mention that CwC is young and hot?


Stan, the Half-Truth Teller said...

Frankly, I'm disappointed that a member of that filthy gender might be allowed to directly post in such a hallowed space...

You know, I don't think that was harsh enough, so I'm taking the liberty of editing it:

Frankly, I'm disgusted that a member of that filthy gender might spread her taint in such a hallowed space...

Much better.

Oh, and lest I forget, CwC, despite being a disgusting Uruk-hai of a female, is nonetheless young and hot.


Vitamin R said...

Math saves the day again. Take that, religion!

Um . . . Frodology's a religion. The religion.

"frodo sam mary pippin go place" Boy, did they ever! This summer I too plan to go place.


I, too, plan go place this summer. )I see Frodo's hand in this seeming coincidence.)

Lastly, I'd just like to ask for some opinions on article length. Do you think the articles are generally of a readable length, or are they too long? Too short? Too awesome? I'd appreciate some feedback.

I think the articles tend to be just right--though a little too awesome for me. They could suck a little. Just so you don't get stuck in a rut. A few spelling mistakes, excessive use of exclamation points interspersed with 1s. Comparing everything in your articles to this one scene, in "Twilight". . . .

And, as always, more drawings.


Vitamin R said...

Wait--there was taint-spreading, and I missed it?!

I don't have good timing at all :/

Dani' El said...

CodewordConduit as a brilliant young lady, a mother with a young daughter, and I love her dearly like a sister.


FrodoSaves said...

Mirth drubbing for everyone!

The consensus seems to be less awesomeness. Like a small business owner slowly expanding, I'm obviously grateful to have less and less to do as the quality of my product diminishes and task of providing it is gradually outsourced to others. Success, thou art sweet.



You'll be glad to know that CC and I don't collaborate on posts. The pollution that would follow from such a crimesin would be an abomination in the eyes of Frodo. It's sort of like a taint firewall. I get to capitalize on her slavish hard work, i.e. her being young and hot, without having to succumb to the taint myself. The system works!



I, too, plan go place this summer. )I see Frodo's hand in this seeming coincidence.)

I excite that we might go same place?

I haven't actually seen Twilight. I read a comical summary of it and at that point I knew I'd never be able to take it seriously. Also teenage girls seem to be obsessed with it, and that outweighs the vampires in my book. Anyone up for some 30 Days of Night? :P

And, as always, more drawings.

We call them 'visual filler' in the trade.

Dani' El said...

I have not voted yet.
Definitely too awesome.

And I wanted to add, even tho' Codeword is a vile atheist shrew, any who slander her will feel the sting of Shlomo!

(Yeah, I've named my sword, don't laugh.
Shlomo is cruel and I've studied Riposte under the sage Rabbi Handlinger. Beware!)

CodewordConduit said...

I must assure everyone here that I'm genuinely not that hot - despite being relatively young.

I never exercise voluntarily, I chainsmoke, I get out of breath if I have to walk up more than thirty stairs... I can eat a 12 inch pizza in one sitting, I haven't worn a pair of heels in six months. I wear tracksuits and football tops in the house and you are privelleged indeed if you ever find me in matching underwear.

Now you know the truth I suppose I shall be quietly removed as an author on this blog until I lose twelve pounds and learn how to accessorize.

Sorry FS. Couldn't continue living the lie :p

Stan, the Half-Truth Teller said...

Sorry FS. Couldn't continue living the lie

Wow. Such a beautiful statement. For my money, I say CwC stays on -- the above statement tells us why.

First, and foremost, CwC apologized, and to Frodo. Sure, she addressed FrodoSaves, but she's a woman, and she's expected to make these sorts of mistakes. At least she began by apologizing.

Second, she illustrated just why women are so despicable: she lied. We all know she's young and hot, and we certainly appreciate apologizing for being a woman, but to state that she cannot continue "living the lie" is to lie in the process of lying. It's crimesin, sure, but it's beautiful in its complexity.

If a young, hot, vile woman can post such truth despite attempting to lie to us and tempt us with her youthful hotness, perhaps we can tolerate her presence a little longer; after all, Frodo works in magical ways, and even Frodo learned something from that Elvish dude -- I think his name was Galadriel -- and although it wasn't a woman, an elf is basically a woman. Clearly, Frodo's lessons could, if he wanted -- and if he could stifle his vomit long enough -- teach us a thing or two if we observe the vile malefactions of certain women -- the hotter the better.

It is therefore with reluctant gratitude to Frodo that I observe this young, hot, woman.


FrodoSaves said...


Only a 12 inch? That's sufficiently far away from 14" that I know you're not a fatty, but big enough to be the kind of thing you'd work up a ravenous appetite for after hitting the gym. Yeah, good for you.

PS - if I was going to remove you as an author, it would be with much fanfare and jubilation; verifiable proof of the inferiority of the female gender.



As always, many thanks for your wise and learned interpretation of Frodo's Word. Indeed, the very idea of an un-hot Frodologist woman is an oxymoron. Everyone knows that it is the chief duty of a woman to be hot, and by failing in that, she is no longer a woman, but a foul urchin type thing.

Beauty through complexity is something I can pretend to understand and use as an excuse to let a crimsesin slide.

Keep up the good work.


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